Witnesses - Beth Stroud

I was awe-struck by the gentleness, kindness, true humanity, and love.
05 Dec 2004

Sometimes experiences are so incredibly moving that words don't come easily, and this surely was one of those times.

First I need to say that sharing in even the slightest way in this struggle has been one of the greatest honors of my life, and that is not hyperbole. Thank you, Beth.

At the beginning, when Beth gathered a group of us to think about this before she went public, my stance (expressed probably far too often tongue

) was that being the "poster child" for this in the Methodist church required someone of thick skin, and I didn't think Beth had it. Actually, I said something more like, "the people who can be at the forefront of an issue like this are generally brassy and obnoxious in their righteousness, types of people, and you're not one. You're going to be eaten alive, and run the risk of losing your relationship to your partner, your ability to work within the church without being under the microscope, and your serenity. Those seem to me to be enormous prices to pay, when you know you are going to lose this decision."

WRONG doesn't begin to describe how "off base" I was. Only Beth and you can speak of the personal price you are paying, so perhaps I wasn't wrong there. But Beth proved to be the absolutely perfect "poster child" because of her authenticity and genuine ability to love and to show her love. I was, and am, amazed.

So, as to my trial experience --- I also struggle to put that into words. I can only say that I think I truly felt the Holy Spirit smile

But the two days of the trial were two of the most moving days of my life. Perhaps I should use the word, "grace-filled", although I know as little about that as I do about the Holy Spirit. But it seems to me to be truly at the heart of what I am feeling, so I'll go out on a limb with the words. smile

Putting aside my unwillingness to commit to words often misused by "the church" and churchy people so obvious in the media, I can only say that sharing in a community of people trying to right a wrong and redirect the Methodists, moved me to my core. To be there with my family, friends, newly met friends, and others I'll never see again, was amazing. And what a wonder-full setting, particularly with the storm on Weds.

But in continuing to expound on the place and people, I put off describing the actual trial. Perhaps at the heart of this avoidance is my inability to reconcile my anger and my love. In everyone involved I was awe-struck by the gentleness, kindness, true humanity, and love. I was also frequently nail-spitting angry. A sort of "of the moment schizophrenia" that left me in turmoil. Beth's, Fred's, John's testimony: it all amazed me, and filled me with love. The chance to talk and do little tasks with everyone involved was also wonderfully mind blowing, and truly an honor.

But I am saddened to the core, and fighting a feeling of hopelessness. Not to mention righteous anger !!! smile

And staying with the Methodist church may not be an option for me. And no, this is not a cue for you to try to convince me to stay. I don't need to be convinced of the importance of working within the church for change. I know that, and respect that. But sometimes there comes a point where your name simply cannot stay on the rolls, and this may be that point for me. We'll see --- and pray smile

which is also something I've learned a huge amount about from Beth.

So, I end again with thanks to you Beth. Your sharing this with me has been life-changing --- With love,

Adair

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